Saturday, September 18, 2010

A Hands-Off Approach Isn't What We Want

I was recently sitting down with a group of youth workers for our monthly Youth Ministry Fellowship. Every month we get together to discuss what's happening in our ministries and to encourage one another as we all press on towards the goal of developing our students into whole hearted followers of Jesus. We always begin every month with a different question for us all to ponder and answer, so we get the ball of discussion rolling. The question was "when was a time you screwed up, but were shown grace from your senior pastor?" Great question and it brought about a lot of really good answers, as well as a time of recognizing how thankful we all were for our bosses.

Yet, there were a number of times when the youth pastor started their response with "you know, my senior pastor has a really hands-off approach, so I have to think about this one." I came to discover after listening to them talk, this whole "hands-off approach" wasn't what they wanted. On the surface they seemed okay with it, making light of it as if it wasn't a big deal. But I realized they were actually longing for a deeper relationship with their senior pastor. "Hands-off approach" was actually code for "no real relationship." They couldn't think of a time when they were shown grace, not because they hadn't screwed up, but because they never really got time with their senior pastor for him to show them grace.

It was an interesting morning. I think many times senior pastors think youth workers love the freedom of the "hands-off approach," so they don't interfere. Truth is, what we're really longing for is direction, mentoring, and input. Yes, it's true, we all want freedom. No one like a micro-manager. But youth workers long to have a significant relationship with their senior pastor so they can learn and always improve. It's the truth. Plain and simple.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

How Not to Reach Out

There are a lot of churches where I live. In fact, a quick check tells me there are over 40 churches in the small town where I am sitting right now. And due to urban sprawl, towns aren't really divided around here, so my guess is there are over 200 churches within a ten mile radius from where I sit right now.

It got me thinking the other day: with so many churches and obviously so many people going to these churches, who is left to reach out to? I think many people around these parts (I call where I live "Christendom" or "The Holy Land") think the same thing: since there are so many churches, everyone around here must go to church. Which can obviously lead to the thought of "why do we need to reach out?"

But last week while I was driving I noticed one church that was actively trying to reach out to their neighbors...unfortunately I thought they were doing it all wrong. Now I don't have all the answers, in fact, I have very few. But when a church puts a banner up in their front lawn that says "Outreach Car Show: Come for the Food, Fun, and Fellowship" I have to disagree with their technique. Their heart is obviously in the right place (wanting others to know the love of Christ) but their strategy is just plain wrong. One cannot effectively "reach out" simply by staying within the walls of your church, placing a sign in the front lawn, and hoping people will walk through the door. To reach out, you have to actually "go out." Go out to the neighborhood, to your places of work, to the malls, movie theaters, where you go. To your friends, dare I say to your enemies too.

So if you want to effectively "not" reach out to the lost world around you, put up a sign. Here's hoping.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Another Great Youth Pastor

This story amazed me. It was on CNN this week. Chris Keith was just a kid when his father took the life of Chris' mom and brother before taking his own life. He even attempted to kill Chris as well, but Chris survived. He credits God strongly for not only saving him from the attack, but also providing guidance throughout his life. His story is truly amazing no doubt, but halfway through the article he talks about the significance of telling his story to his youth pastor and having his youth pastor respond to him with great sadness, embracing Chris in his pain. Just great to see another story of a youth pastor truly caring about students and having a great impact.

Chris Keith was 12 years old when he learned his family didn't die in a car wreck.

His father suffocated his mother and then shot Chris' 8-year-old brother, Mikey, in the back of the head while he slept, his grandparents explained.

The elderly couple had taken the boy to a counselor. As they told him the real story of what happened, they pulled out newspaper clippings from October 1985.

Chris had begun to wonder about the scars on his own head, and he had pieced together other clues from the past. Yet he'd never known the full truth. His grandparents then told him the hardest news of all. Before his father killed himself, he put the .38-caliber handgun to Chris' head and pulled the trigger.

Medics had declared everyone in the house dead, including Chris.

Now 30, Chris Keith visits church youth groups and juvenile justice centers to tell his story. A Christian, he believes God had a plan for him and that's why he survived.

Headlines occasionally bring back terrible memories, like the recent case in South Carolina where a mother is accused of suffocating her two boys before putting them in their car seats and letting the car roll into a river. When he hears stories like that, especially when a child survives, he bows his head and prays.

At 12, Chris grappled with the impossible: How could my father do something so evil?

"It was almost like going through it again. I started feeling all these feelings again, of anger, of betrayal, of feeling like nobody wanted me. I was angry at the world, and mad at my grandparents for waiting so long to tell me.

"I was mad at my dad. Mad at my mom for taking him back so many times."

Memories flooded back. He recalled being in the hospital, staring at the door. "I was waiting for my mother to walk through or for my brother to come in and say, 'Hey, everything's going to be OK. We're going to get out of here soon.' "

Now, he tells struggling youth that they're not alone in this world. "Even when we feel we have no inner strength left, you can make it," he says.

After he was shot in the head, he crawled to his brother's bed and saw that his beloved brother was dead, he says, citing the coroner's report of the massacre. Bloodied with a hole in his head, Chris then crawled toward the doorway as if he was trying to find his mother.

It was there that a medic saw him move, ever so slightly, after he'd already been pronounced dead. A video from the scene shows a first responder emerge from the front door. "We've got one alive in here!"

"I didn't want to give up," he says. "I firmly believe Jesus had his hands on me, saying, 'Somebody is going to come for you.' "

He says he doesn't know why he survived, while his mother and brother died. He's struggled with that over the years: "What if my brother survived and I didn't?"

Those are questions he'll never be able to answer. "I just know that my life was saved," he says. "Doctors don't know why I'm alive. ... I have a second chance in life, and I just want to make the most of it and maybe help others who are internally suffering."

Yet, it took years -- and lots of counseling -- to reach this point. He turned into a recluse in middle school and high school. Sometimes, he'd lay in bed all night, unable to sleep, "just thinking." He was the kid who just wanted to get through to the next day.

"It's crazy to think about -- those incidents were something that my dad did," he says. "My own dad tried to kill me, so who am I supposed to trust?"

Sometimes he struggled with guilt -- feeling it somehow was his fault. "I was always searching for things that I could have done."

Once, somebody asked him: Are you afraid you're going to go crazy like your dad?

"It just hit me really hard, and I don't want to be like that."

He carried a newspaper clipping about the killings in his wallet. At 14, he showed it to his youth minister. Tears rolled down the preacher's face as he read.

"It was amazing to me because I had never seen a man cry before," he says. "It made me realize somebody cared about me."

Chris' best friend walked in at that moment. Handed the article, he too began crying.

Chris credits his youth minister and his best friend, as well as his grandparents and his church, with helping him get through. In them, he could see that "not everybody is as selfish as my dad was. And that helped me cope."

When he would lock himself in his room, he'd often listen to music. The lyrics of one song resonated: "Do not let the world get you down and remember that a bright shiny day comes after the rain. It is going to get better."

"I just clung to that," he says.

He married young -- at 19. "I was longing for a family. That's just something I wanted."

He and his wife celebrated their 10th anniversary this year.

If you need proof that good can come from evil, he says, all you have to do is look at his own son, 6-year-old Dylan.

He says he constantly tells his boy "I love you" and holds him tight. When he sees his boy playing, he sometimes thinks, "Man, how could my dad do that?"

Chris now works at a long-term care pharmacy in Fort Worth, Texas. He's working on getting a degree in computer engineering and maintains his own blog.

He's got many goals in life. At the top of the list: "To not end up like my dad."

"I just want to try my best to see others make it."

September 03, 2010|By Wayne Drash and Amanda Moyer, CNN, http://articles.cnn.com/2010-09-03/living/survivor.family.massacre_1_car-wreck-car-seats-elderly-couple?_s=PM:LIVING

Friday, September 3, 2010

Sample Sabbatical Proposal

My senior pastor friend who recently got back from his three month sabbatical allowed me to use his proposal letter to help others draft one of their own. Note that he wrote this proposal in August of 2007 and did not take his sabbatical until summer of 2010, so planning your sabbatical a ways out is key. Note also this letter preceded a formal meeting to discuss the sabbatical proposal. Anyways, here is his sample. Hope it helps:

August 28, 2007
Dear Executive Board,
My wife and I had visitors in this past weekend. As we toured them around the church we were all somewhat startled when we realized it has been five years since my departure from my last church. Many wonderful things have transpired here during those five years. Many challenges, however, still lie ahead.
My hope and prayer is that God will allow me the privilege of walking with this church family through those challenges and seeing Him do exciting things in and through us. My desire is to continue as Senior Pastor here until I step into retirement. With all my heart I want to finish strong.
There are, however, a couple of factors that will affect the accomplishment of that dream: skill and strength. Let me explain what I mean:

1) Skill
The world in which I work today is a very different place than the one into which I
graduated 30-plus years ago. I often find my mind perplexed and my spirit troubled by the new challenges faced by the Church today. In addition to that, a congregation of 500 (current church) is very different from a congregation of 250 (last church) requiring different skill sets of its leader. I am striving to develop those new skills and yet the demands of ministry, at times, make that a difficult task.

2) Strength
It is not that a pastor works harder or longer than church members in the marketplace. However, the separation of one’s professional and personal life when in the ministry can be difficult to maintain. Add to that the various stress factors I have been called to bear over the last 10 years and I am noticing a growing weariness in my spirit. Where once there was energy and creativity within, I am finding, instead, a deep fatigue.

I cherish a dream, however. In addition to my desire to finish strong as your pastor I dream of taking a sabbatical to renew my spirit and strengthen my skills. The purpose of this letter is to ask your permission to begin planning a Pastoral Renewal Sabbatical beginning some time in the summer/ fall of 2009. In over 30 years of ministry, working days, evenings and weekends and many holidays, I have never had a sabbatical. Here is my thinking to this point:

1) I would like to recruit a small team of people who would help me plan this experience… people who know me well and can help me think through what sabbatical elements would be most beneficial for me as your pastor. They would also assist me with presenting this proposal to the congregation before and after the actual sabbatical.

2) The team would help me prepare an application to the Lilly Foundation – Clergy Renewal Program. The Lilly Foundation makes 120 grants per year to pastors and their churches for the purpose of renewing pastors for ministry. If we are accepted, the foundation would provide up to $45,000 for use on this sabbatical ($30,000 for my expenses and $15,000 for church expenses.) The application deadline for the 2009 calendar year is May 15, 2008. I am currently in receipt of all the documents necessary to complete this application.

3) I would also work with the church leadership to develop a plan that would strengthen our church during my absence (hence, the monies allocated to the church). We would think through areas of training and development that would benefit the church the most…who might provide this training…what special programs might we want to take advantage of…who would best fill our pulpit…and so forth. While I’m learning and growing the church will be doing the same thing.

I believe God called me to this church. I believe God wants us to work together as we face future challenges and opportunities. I also believe we can do that most effectively if I, your pastor, am renewed and refocused for the ministry that lies ahead.

Please prayerfully consider this request so that we can discuss the matter at length during the September Executive Board meeting. Feel free to ask me questions between now and that meeting; I will be happy to discuss this proposal with you.

Blessings and love,
Mike

Mike did in fact get the Lily Foundation Grant, which was actually over the $45,000 amount. Pretty cool.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Proposing a Sabbatical

Two days ago I wrote about the importance of taking a sabbatical every few years if you are in ministry. Many churches have sabbaticals built into their church constitution, so this idea is not foreign for them. This is a huge blessing to pastors in ministry because the process of taking a sabbatical is not an uphill battle. But, unfortunately, this is not always the case in many churches. Too many churches in fact. For many in ministry, sabbaticals are only a dream, and one that will never come to fruition.

But for those of you whose church does not already support a paid sabbatical for pastors in ministry, my senior pastor friend who recently returned from a 3 month sabbatical (first for him ever) had some words of advice for proposing a sabbatical to your church.

1. Research is Key

My senior pastor friend had the advantage of living in a very academic community, so the idea of sabbaticals was not foreign to many in his congregation. His church however had never supported them before, so he still needed to provide them with convincing arguments (outside of his own) for the value of sabbaticals. Any article, especially from newspapers or Christian magazines (Leadership Journal for example) that lay the case for pastors taking time off from the ministry to recharge is very important to supply your elder board with. Check out writings by H.B. London on sabbaticals and even look at a recent article in the New York Times (Taking a Break From the Lord’s Work http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/02/nyregion/02burnout.html?_r=1)

2. Communicate Your Desire to Stay Long Term

Truth is, no one wants to give you 3 months paid leave if you’re just going to hit the road after you get back. You need to both have put in multiple years at your current church AND intend to stay at your church for years to come. My friend clearly communicated his desire to stay at his current church until he retired. The more your elder board and church knows you are committed to them, the more committed to helping you they’ll be. Within this, you also need to clearly communicate the long term effects of what constant work in the ministry can do to a person. Facilitating funerals, weddings, late night calls and conversations, time away from family, and tons of personal stress can tear you down. Time to refuel will sustain you for the long term.

3. Present Your Plan and Get Help

Your church needs to know you are taking this very seriously, so you need to clearly present your plan and do it several years in advance. No big decision happens quickly in a church, so know that one, two, or even five years is not a long time to wait. Expect to wait a little for your sabbatical to happen, which means you should start planning it NOW. Also, get together a small team of about four people who can help you plan a sabbatical that will fulfill you personally and within ministry. The more you surround yourself with people you and the church trusts, the better your chances of getting your sabbatical approved.

That’s it for now. Tomorrow I’ll write a little more about specific approaches to the plan for your sabbatical.

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Wednesday, September 1, 2010

A Five Year Old's Answered Prayer

One of my best friends has had a tough last two years. As a financial advisor, the stock market plunge in the fall of 2008 hit him especially hard. When everyone around him lost 40% of their financial worth, he lost more. Several months into the recession he realized his family wouldn’t be able to stay in their house. With great sadness and a huge blow to his pride, they moved into his in-law’s basement.

I didn’t actually meet my friend until about a year ago, which was already almost a year into their struggles. Week after week we would meet together (we were co-leading a small group) and he would tell me story after story of heartbreak. There seemed like no end in sight. The money wasn’t coming in and the struggles were only increasing. Yet my friend, only by the grace of God, had the most integrity of any man I have ever seen. As his world was continually falling in around him, as the pressure mounted on him to provide for his family, and as the thought of the American Dream in his life vanished, he would still not curse God. Sure, he questioned. Sure, he got frustrated. Sure, he even lost it a couple of times. In fact, he told me one time that every night when he went to bed he would hear his five year old son praying that God would give them back their house, and it continually left my friend broken.

But he never gave up. Not on his family and not on his God. He knew the Lord had good in mind for them and as difficult as it was, he relished in what he and his wife were learning of God’s love and grace. Through his laughter and his tears he always thanked God for the blessings in his life and for the friends who surrounded him with great love.

And today, with great excitement and joy, his son’s prayers were finally answered. Today we moved my friend’s family into a new house. It’s a little smaller than their old place and needs some work, but it’s beautiful. And today my friend’s smile was bigger than I’ve ever seen because his faith had become sight, at least for today.