The Weight of Our Words

I just returned from Nashville where I was attending the National Youth Workers Convention alongside my fellow team members at LeaderTreks. It was a great time to connect with new people, reconnect with friends, and engage youth workers from all areas of the country. In the midst of networking with others and spending time in the LeaderTreks booth, I was able to attend several sessions, and to be honest, it scared me. While everyone is blogging and talking about Ted Haggard's despicable comments, another speaker upset me even more.

One speaker on the main stage not only offended me, but deeply saddened me. This speaker had amazing things to say, but his message was drowned out by inappropriate and dangerous remarks. The talk was meant to connect us with the emotions and love of experiencing things for the first time, especially leading others for the first time. The thrill and fear of stepping out, taking a risk, and moving forward for Christ for the first time is something powerful and needed. His end goal was to encourage us in pushing students into leadership and let them take ownership.

While his goal was something I deeply agree with, the words he used to describe everything were horrible and inappropriate. Thinking it would be funny, he spoke about the thrill of first times by using sexual descriptions, asking all of us to remember our first time. He went so far as to use words such as "awkward, messy, or even forced," and at one point even made comments to make us think his first time was with his mother. While untrue, even eluding to this idea is disgusting. I'm sorry, but does he really not understand the weight of his words? When speaking to a crowd of people that, statistically, at least 25% of them were abused, molested, or raped as children or adults, why would using these terms as jokes be a good thing? Incest, rape, and abuse run rampant in our society, and not only do we not do anything, we have the audacity to joke about it. This sickens and saddens me. From the main stage of a national youth workers convention, we joke about something that is ruining lives and breaking God's heart. Too often we as people do not truly consider the words we are using before we put them out into the world, and it taints our message.

His message was great, but his delivery was horrible. While he had a strong start and an amazing finish, everything in the middle made me immediately discredit his ideas and method. Our words paint others' opinion of us and our message. I hope the next time he is given a soapbox, he truly considers the weight of his words.

Building Community Doesn't Happen Overnight

My wife and I had dinner last night with two people who are becoming good friends in our lives. This young couple are dating and in college together, as well as also being youth group volunteers alongside my wife and I. This was the first time we had them over for dinner and we enjoyed it so much. After a great dinner (thanks to my wife) and dessert (again, my amazing wife) we sat down in the living room to hang out and talk. We quickly found ourselves in a rousing discussion about Lord of the Rings and super heroes (that was my fault), but eventually got to the topic of how school was going for them, and I was surprised by their answer.

While they both were enjoying their second year, they also had a lot of issues with it. Their school is in the middle of a big campaign for community. They are requiring every student to read Bonhoeffer’s “Life Together” (which is a fantastic book) and to build community with others on campus. My two friends love people and relationships and community, yet they were really uncomfortable with the college pushing it on them. It was as though the university recognized the value of community–love, grace, acceptance, sharing in each other’s joys and pains–but they forgot how important the process of getting to that place really was. The college was trying to push community on their students, demanding they instantly jump into these super deep relationships with everyone around them, but community doesn’t happen overnight. Part of the joy of community is building it. And to build something, it takes time. You can’t just meet someone and instantly decide you are best friends.

When we build community, whether it’s in a college or a youth group, we must recognize we can’t rush the process of building relationships. They take time and effort, and we must be prepared to give both, or community, no matter how badly we want it, will never happen.

Learning to Lead

It's crazy to think that after three years of working for a leadership training organization, I'm still learning how to lead. In the last three years of working for LeaderTreks, I have been pushed and challenged towards growth and excellence, and have learned so much about leading. Yet, so many times I still find myself learning how to lead. It's sobering to me, and hard to swallow. It's hard to admit I need help when I am so often the one giving advice to others. And it's hard to accept I have so much to learn about leading when I thought I had learned so much already.

Today I was reminded about the deep significance of mentoring. But not just life mentoring. I need a leadership mentor. I need someone to walk with me along the path of leadership, empowering me to step forward in faith, pushing me to greatness. I'm so thankful for the people I work with and for their desire to mentor me in my leadership. I'm excited for how God will use this in me and in the Kingdom.

Releasing My Grip

Last week my boss, Doug Franklin, wrote a post on his blog called "Being In-Charge vs. Leadership." It was a short look at what it means to truly lead. Too often we want to be in charge of something, especially in ministry. Being in charge lets us be seen and heard, gets our ideas and agendas out there, and is normally associated with personal glory. But this isn't leading. Leading takes sacrifice. Leading takes commitment. Leading isn't always glorious.

I've been thinking about this lately. This fall I've started to step up in leadership at my church. I wanted to bring positive change to our adult small group ministry. It's been going really well and I've seen great fruit come out of it as we move forward in supporting our small group leaders. Throughout this process though I've been learning about what it means to truly lead. Last week a decision was made about our small groups and it didn't include me. I was suddenly struck with the feeling of being left out, and immediately thoughts entered my head like, "But I'm the leader! How could they not include me?"I wrestled with these thoughts and feelings as though it was something of importance before I realized these thoughts were coming from someone who wanted to "be in charge" vs someone who wanted to lead. I needed to release the grip (more like a strangle hold) I had on being in charge and truly lead.

As a leader, I should be pushing glory to others, especially my senior pastor. I should get off my high horse and be willing to get dirty as I serve those in ministry around me. I'm learning more and more of what this means and it is helping so much.

"When we lead at church tons of good things happen. People get cared for, folks lead through their giftedness and selfishness is put aside. Now is the time to lead; our churches and our students need to see great leadership and they need you to show them a new way to lead at church." -Doug Franklin