Depraved Indifference

The Weight of Our Words

I just returned from Nashville where I was attending the National Youth Workers Convention alongside my fellow team members at LeaderTreks. It was a great time to connect with new people, reconnect with friends, and engage youth workers from all areas of the country. In the midst of networking with others and spending time in the LeaderTreks booth, I was able to attend several sessions, and to be honest, it scared me. While everyone is blogging and talking about Ted Haggard's despicable comments, another speaker upset me even more.

One speaker on the main stage not only offended me, but deeply saddened me. This speaker had amazing things to say, but his message was drowned out by inappropriate and dangerous remarks. The talk was meant to connect us with the emotions and love of experiencing things for the first time, especially leading others for the first time. The thrill and fear of stepping out, taking a risk, and moving forward for Christ for the first time is something powerful and needed. His end goal was to encourage us in pushing students into leadership and let them take ownership.

While his goal was something I deeply agree with, the words he used to describe everything were horrible and inappropriate. Thinking it would be funny, he spoke about the thrill of first times by using sexual descriptions, asking all of us to remember our first time. He went so far as to use words such as "awkward, messy, or even forced," and at one point even made comments to make us think his first time was with his mother. While untrue, even eluding to this idea is disgusting. I'm sorry, but does he really not understand the weight of his words? When speaking to a crowd of people that, statistically, at least 25% of them were abused, molested, or raped as children or adults, why would using these terms as jokes be a good thing? Incest, rape, and abuse run rampant in our society, and not only do we not do anything, we have the audacity to joke about it. This sickens and saddens me. From the main stage of a national youth workers convention, we joke about something that is ruining lives and breaking God's heart. Too often we as people do not truly consider the words we are using before we put them out into the world, and it taints our message.

His message was great, but his delivery was horrible. While he had a strong start and an amazing finish, everything in the middle made me immediately discredit his ideas and method. Our words paint others' opinion of us and our message. I hope the next time he is given a soapbox, he truly considers the weight of his words.

Building Community Doesn't Happen Overnight

My wife and I had dinner last night with two people who are becoming good friends in our lives. This young couple are dating and in college together, as well as also being youth group volunteers alongside my wife and I. This was the first time we had them over for dinner and we enjoyed it so much. After a great dinner (thanks to my wife) and dessert (again, my amazing wife) we sat down in the living room to hang out and talk. We quickly found ourselves in a rousing discussion about Lord of the Rings and super heroes (that was my fault), but eventually got to the topic of how school was going for them, and I was surprised by their answer.

While they both were enjoying their second year, they also had a lot of issues with it. Their school is in the middle of a big campaign for community. They are requiring every student to read Bonhoeffer’s “Life Together” (which is a fantastic book) and to build community with others on campus. My two friends love people and relationships and community, yet they were really uncomfortable with the college pushing it on them. It was as though the university recognized the value of community–love, grace, acceptance, sharing in each other’s joys and pains–but they forgot how important the process of getting to that place really was. The college was trying to push community on their students, demanding they instantly jump into these super deep relationships with everyone around them, but community doesn’t happen overnight. Part of the joy of community is building it. And to build something, it takes time. You can’t just meet someone and instantly decide you are best friends.

When we build community, whether it’s in a college or a youth group, we must recognize we can’t rush the process of building relationships. They take time and effort, and we must be prepared to give both, or community, no matter how badly we want it, will never happen.

Learning to Lead

It's crazy to think that after three years of working for a leadership training organization, I'm still learning how to lead. In the last three years of working for LeaderTreks, I have been pushed and challenged towards growth and excellence, and have learned so much about leading. Yet, so many times I still find myself learning how to lead. It's sobering to me, and hard to swallow. It's hard to admit I need help when I am so often the one giving advice to others. And it's hard to accept I have so much to learn about leading when I thought I had learned so much already.

Today I was reminded about the deep significance of mentoring. But not just life mentoring. I need a leadership mentor. I need someone to walk with me along the path of leadership, empowering me to step forward in faith, pushing me to greatness. I'm so thankful for the people I work with and for their desire to mentor me in my leadership. I'm excited for how God will use this in me and in the Kingdom.

Releasing My Grip

Last week my boss, Doug Franklin, wrote a post on his blog called "Being In-Charge vs. Leadership." It was a short look at what it means to truly lead. Too often we want to be in charge of something, especially in ministry. Being in charge lets us be seen and heard, gets our ideas and agendas out there, and is normally associated with personal glory. But this isn't leading. Leading takes sacrifice. Leading takes commitment. Leading isn't always glorious.

I've been thinking about this lately. This fall I've started to step up in leadership at my church. I wanted to bring positive change to our adult small group ministry. It's been going really well and I've seen great fruit come out of it as we move forward in supporting our small group leaders. Throughout this process though I've been learning about what it means to truly lead. Last week a decision was made about our small groups and it didn't include me. I was suddenly struck with the feeling of being left out, and immediately thoughts entered my head like, "But I'm the leader! How could they not include me?"I wrestled with these thoughts and feelings as though it was something of importance before I realized these thoughts were coming from someone who wanted to "be in charge" vs someone who wanted to lead. I needed to release the grip (more like a strangle hold) I had on being in charge and truly lead.

As a leader, I should be pushing glory to others, especially my senior pastor. I should get off my high horse and be willing to get dirty as I serve those in ministry around me. I'm learning more and more of what this means and it is helping so much.

"When we lead at church tons of good things happen. People get cared for, folks lead through their giftedness and selfishness is put aside. Now is the time to lead; our churches and our students need to see great leadership and they need you to show them a new way to lead at church." -Doug Franklin

A Hands-Off Approach Isn't What We Want

I was recently sitting down with a group of youth workers for our monthly Youth Ministry Fellowship. Every month we get together to discuss what's happening in our ministries and to encourage one another as we all press on towards the goal of developing our students into whole hearted followers of Jesus. We always begin every month with a different question for us all to ponder and answer, so we get the ball of discussion rolling. The question was "when was a time you screwed up, but were shown grace from your senior pastor?" Great question and it brought about a lot of really good answers, as well as a time of recognizing how thankful we all were for our bosses.

Yet, there were a number of times when the youth pastor started their response with "you know, my senior pastor has a really hands-off approach, so I have to think about this one." I came to discover after listening to them talk, this whole "hands-off approach" wasn't what they wanted. On the surface they seemed okay with it, making light of it as if it wasn't a big deal. But I realized they were actually longing for a deeper relationship with their senior pastor. "Hands-off approach" was actually code for "no real relationship." They couldn't think of a time when they were shown grace, not because they hadn't screwed up, but because they never really got time with their senior pastor for him to show them grace.

It was an interesting morning. I think many times senior pastors think youth workers love the freedom of the "hands-off approach," so they don't interfere. Truth is, what we're really longing for is direction, mentoring, and input. Yes, it's true, we all want freedom. No one like a micro-manager. But youth workers long to have a significant relationship with their senior pastor so they can learn and always improve. It's the truth. Plain and simple.

How Not to Reach Out

There are a lot of churches where I live. In fact, a quick check tells me there are over 40 churches in the small town where I am sitting right now. And due to urban sprawl, towns aren't really divided around here, so my guess is there are over 200 churches within a ten mile radius from where I sit right now.

It got me thinking the other day: with so many churches and obviously so many people going to these churches, who is left to reach out to? I think many people around these parts (I call where I live "Christendom" or "The Holy Land") think the same thing: since there are so many churches, everyone around here must go to church. Which can obviously lead to the thought of "why do we need to reach out?"

But last week while I was driving I noticed one church that was actively trying to reach out to their neighbors...unfortunately I thought they were doing it all wrong. Now I don't have all the answers, in fact, I have very few. But when a church puts a banner up in their front lawn that says "Outreach Car Show: Come for the Food, Fun, and Fellowship" I have to disagree with their technique. Their heart is obviously in the right place (wanting others to know the love of Christ) but their strategy is just plain wrong. One cannot effectively "reach out" simply by staying within the walls of your church, placing a sign in the front lawn, and hoping people will walk through the door. To reach out, you have to actually "go out." Go out to the neighborhood, to your places of work, to the malls, movie theaters, where you go. To your friends, dare I say to your enemies too.

So if you want to effectively "not" reach out to the lost world around you, put up a sign. Here's hoping.

Another Great Youth Pastor

This story amazed me. It was on CNN this week. Chris Keith was just a kid when his father took the life of Chris' mom and brother before taking his own life. He even attempted to kill Chris as well, but Chris survived. He credits God strongly for not only saving him from the attack, but also providing guidance throughout his life. His story is truly amazing no doubt, but halfway through the article he talks about the significance of telling his story to his youth pastor and having his youth pastor respond to him with great sadness, embracing Chris in his pain. Just great to see another story of a youth pastor truly caring about students and having a great impact.

Chris Keith was 12 years old when he learned his family didn't die in a car wreck.

His father suffocated his mother and then shot Chris' 8-year-old brother, Mikey, in the back of the head while he slept, his grandparents explained.

The elderly couple had taken the boy to a counselor. As they told him the real story of what happened, they pulled out newspaper clippings from October 1985.

Chris had begun to wonder about the scars on his own head, and he had pieced together other clues from the past. Yet he'd never known the full truth. His grandparents then told him the hardest news of all. Before his father killed himself, he put the .38-caliber handgun to Chris' head and pulled the trigger.

Medics had declared everyone in the house dead, including Chris.

Now 30, Chris Keith visits church youth groups and juvenile justice centers to tell his story. A Christian, he believes God had a plan for him and that's why he survived.

Headlines occasionally bring back terrible memories, like the recent case in South Carolina where a mother is accused of suffocating her two boys before putting them in their car seats and letting the car roll into a river. When he hears stories like that, especially when a child survives, he bows his head and prays.

At 12, Chris grappled with the impossible: How could my father do something so evil?

"It was almost like going through it again. I started feeling all these feelings again, of anger, of betrayal, of feeling like nobody wanted me. I was angry at the world, and mad at my grandparents for waiting so long to tell me.

"I was mad at my dad. Mad at my mom for taking him back so many times."

Memories flooded back. He recalled being in the hospital, staring at the door. "I was waiting for my mother to walk through or for my brother to come in and say, 'Hey, everything's going to be OK. We're going to get out of here soon.' "

Now, he tells struggling youth that they're not alone in this world. "Even when we feel we have no inner strength left, you can make it," he says.

After he was shot in the head, he crawled to his brother's bed and saw that his beloved brother was dead, he says, citing the coroner's report of the massacre. Bloodied with a hole in his head, Chris then crawled toward the doorway as if he was trying to find his mother.

It was there that a medic saw him move, ever so slightly, after he'd already been pronounced dead. A video from the scene shows a first responder emerge from the front door. "We've got one alive in here!"

"I didn't want to give up," he says. "I firmly believe Jesus had his hands on me, saying, 'Somebody is going to come for you.' "

He says he doesn't know why he survived, while his mother and brother died. He's struggled with that over the years: "What if my brother survived and I didn't?"

Those are questions he'll never be able to answer. "I just know that my life was saved," he says. "Doctors don't know why I'm alive. ... I have a second chance in life, and I just want to make the most of it and maybe help others who are internally suffering."

Yet, it took years -- and lots of counseling -- to reach this point. He turned into a recluse in middle school and high school. Sometimes, he'd lay in bed all night, unable to sleep, "just thinking." He was the kid who just wanted to get through to the next day.

"It's crazy to think about -- those incidents were something that my dad did," he says. "My own dad tried to kill me, so who am I supposed to trust?"

Sometimes he struggled with guilt -- feeling it somehow was his fault. "I was always searching for things that I could have done."

Once, somebody asked him: Are you afraid you're going to go crazy like your dad?

"It just hit me really hard, and I don't want to be like that."

He carried a newspaper clipping about the killings in his wallet. At 14, he showed it to his youth minister. Tears rolled down the preacher's face as he read.

"It was amazing to me because I had never seen a man cry before," he says. "It made me realize somebody cared about me."

Chris' best friend walked in at that moment. Handed the article, he too began crying.

Chris credits his youth minister and his best friend, as well as his grandparents and his church, with helping him get through. In them, he could see that "not everybody is as selfish as my dad was. And that helped me cope."

When he would lock himself in his room, he'd often listen to music. The lyrics of one song resonated: "Do not let the world get you down and remember that a bright shiny day comes after the rain. It is going to get better."

"I just clung to that," he says.

He married young -- at 19. "I was longing for a family. That's just something I wanted."

He and his wife celebrated their 10th anniversary this year.

If you need proof that good can come from evil, he says, all you have to do is look at his own son, 6-year-old Dylan.

He says he constantly tells his boy "I love you" and holds him tight. When he sees his boy playing, he sometimes thinks, "Man, how could my dad do that?"

Chris now works at a long-term care pharmacy in Fort Worth, Texas. He's working on getting a degree in computer engineering and maintains his own blog.

He's got many goals in life. At the top of the list: "To not end up like my dad."

"I just want to try my best to see others make it."

September 03, 2010|By Wayne Drash and Amanda Moyer, CNN, http://articles.cnn.com/2010-09-03/living/survivor.family.massacre_1_car-wreck-car-seats-elderly-couple?_s=PM:LIVING

Sample Sabbatical Proposal

My senior pastor friend who recently got back from his three month sabbatical allowed me to use his proposal letter to help others draft one of their own. Note that he wrote this proposal in August of 2007 and did not take his sabbatical until summer of 2010, so planning your sabbatical a ways out is key. Note also this letter preceded a formal meeting to discuss the sabbatical proposal. Anyways, here is his sample. Hope it helps:

August 28, 2007

Dear Executive Board,

My wife and I had visitors in this past weekend. As we toured them around the church we were all somewhat startled when we realized it has been five years since my departure from my last church. Many wonderful things have transpired here during those five years. Many challenges, however, still lie ahead.

My hope and prayer is that God will allow me the privilege of walking with this church family through those challenges and seeing Him do exciting things in and through us. My desire is to continue as Senior Pastor here until I step into retirement. With all my heart I want to finish strong.

There are, however, a couple of factors that will affect the accomplishment of that dream: skill and strength. Let me explain what I mean:

1) Skill

The world in which I work today is a very different place than the one into which I

graduated 30-plus years ago. I often find my mind perplexed and my spirit troubled by the new challenges faced by the Church today. In addition to that, a congregation of 500 (current church) is very different from a congregation of 250 (last church) requiring different skill sets of its leader. I am striving to develop those new skills and yet the demands of ministry, at times, make that a difficult task.

2) Strength

It is not that a pastor works harder or longer than church members in the marketplace. However, the separation of one’s professional and personal life when in the ministry can be difficult to maintain. Add to that the various stress factors I have been called to bear over the last 10 years and I am noticing a growing weariness in my spirit. Where once there was energy and creativity within, I am finding, instead, a deep fatigue.

I cherish a dream, however. In addition to my desire to finish strong as your pastor I dream of taking a sabbatical to renew my spirit and strengthen my skills. The purpose of this letter is to ask your permission to begin planning a Pastoral Renewal Sabbatical beginning some time in the summer/ fall of 2009. In over 30 years of ministry, working days, evenings and weekends and many holidays, I have never had a sabbatical. Here is my thinking to this point:

1) I would like to recruit a small team of people who would help me plan this experience… people who know me well and can help me think through what sabbatical elements would be most beneficial for me as your pastor. They would also assist me with presenting this proposal to the congregation before and after the actual sabbatical.

2) The team would help me prepare an application to the Lilly Foundation – Clergy Renewal Program. The Lilly Foundation makes 120 grants per year to pastors and their churches for the purpose of renewing pastors for ministry. If we are accepted, the foundation would provide up to $45,000 for use on this sabbatical ($30,000 for my expenses and $15,000 for church expenses.) The application deadline for the 2009 calendar year is May 15, 2008. I am currently in receipt of all the documents necessary to complete this application.

3) I would also work with the church leadership to develop a plan that would strengthen our church during my absence (hence, the monies allocated to the church). We would think through areas of training and development that would benefit the church the most…who might provide this training…what special programs might we want to take advantage of…who would best fill our pulpit…and so forth. While I’m learning and growing the church will be doing the same thing.

I believe God called me to this church. I believe God wants us to work together as we face future challenges and opportunities. I also believe we can do that most effectively if I, your pastor, am renewed and refocused for the ministry that lies ahead.

Please prayerfully consider this request so that we can discuss the matter at length during the September Executive Board meeting. Feel free to ask me questions between now and that meeting; I will be happy to discuss this proposal with you.

Blessings and love,

Mike

Mike did in fact get the Lily Foundation Grant, which was actually over the $45,000 amount. Pretty cool.

Proposing a Sabbatical

Two days ago I wrote about the importance of taking a sabbatical every few years if you are in ministry. Many churches have sabbaticals built into their church constitution, so this idea is not foreign for them. This is a huge blessing to pastors in ministry because the process of taking a sabbatical is not an uphill battle. But, unfortunately, this is not always the case in many churches. Too many churches in fact. For many in ministry, sabbaticals are only a dream, and one that will never come to fruition.

But for those of you whose church does not already support a paid sabbatical for pastors in ministry, my senior pastor friend who recently returned from a 3 month sabbatical (first for him ever) had some words of advice for proposing a sabbatical to your church.

1. Research is Key

My senior pastor friend had the advantage of living in a very academic community, so the idea of sabbaticals was not foreign to many in his congregation. His church however had never supported them before, so he still needed to provide them with convincing arguments (outside of his own) for the value of sabbaticals. Any article, especially from newspapers or Christian magazines (Leadership Journal for example) that lay the case for pastors taking time off from the ministry to recharge is very important to supply your elder board with. Check out writings by H.B. London on sabbaticals and even look at a recent article in the New York Times (Taking a Break From the Lord’s Work http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/02/nyregion/02burnout.html?_r=1)

2. Communicate Your Desire to Stay Long Term

Truth is, no one wants to give you 3 months paid leave if you’re just going to hit the road after you get back. You need to both have put in multiple years at your current church AND intend to stay at your church for years to come. My friend clearly communicated his desire to stay at his current church until he retired. The more your elder board and church knows you are committed to them, the more committed to helping you they’ll be. Within this, you also need to clearly communicate the long term effects of what constant work in the ministry can do to a person. Facilitating funerals, weddings, late night calls and conversations, time away from family, and tons of personal stress can tear you down. Time to refuel will sustain you for the long term.

3. Present Your Plan and Get Help

Your church needs to know you are taking this very seriously, so you need to clearly present your plan and do it several years in advance. No big decision happens quickly in a church, so know that one, two, or even five years is not a long time to wait. Expect to wait a little for your sabbatical to happen, which means you should start planning it NOW. Also, get together a small team of about four people who can help you plan a sabbatical that will fulfill you personally and within ministry. The more you surround yourself with people you and the church trusts, the better your chances of getting your sabbatical approved.

That’s it for now. Tomorrow I’ll write a little more about specific approaches to the plan for your sabbatical.

Exclusive Interview w/ John Maxwell

Tripp Crosby gives us an amazing exclusive interview with John Maxwell, the leadership expert. The contents of this interview will change your life. They have for me.

A Five Year Old's Answered Prayer

One of my best friends has had a tough last two years. As a financial advisor, the stock market plunge in the fall of 2008 hit him especially hard. When everyone around him lost 40% of their financial worth, he lost more. Several months into the recession he realized his family wouldn’t be able to stay in their house. With great sadness and a huge blow to his pride, they moved into his in-law’s basement.

I didn’t actually meet my friend until about a year ago, which was already almost a year into their struggles. Week after week we would meet together (we were co-leading a small group) and he would tell me story after story of heartbreak. There seemed like no end in sight. The money wasn’t coming in and the struggles were only increasing. Yet my friend, only by the grace of God, had the most integrity of any man I have ever seen. As his world was continually falling in around him, as the pressure mounted on him to provide for his family, and as the thought of the American Dream in his life vanished, he would still not curse God. Sure, he questioned. Sure, he got frustrated. Sure, he even lost it a couple of times. In fact, he told me one time that every night when he went to bed he would hear his five year old son praying that God would give them back their house, and it continually left my friend broken.

But he never gave up. Not on his family and not on his God. He knew the Lord had good in mind for them and as difficult as it was, he relished in what he and his wife were learning of God’s love and grace. Through his laughter and his tears he always thanked God for the blessings in his life and for the friends who surrounded him with great love.

And today, with great excitement and joy, his son’s prayers were finally answered. Today we moved my friend’s family into a new house. It’s a little smaller than their old place and needs some work, but it’s beautiful. And today my friend’s smile was bigger than I’ve ever seen because his faith had become sight, at least for today.

Sabbaticals are Needed

This past summer my brother--who's a youth pastor in Wisconsin--and a senior pastor friend of mine both went on sabbaticals. A little over 2 months of time to refresh themselves and renew their passion for ministry. They both took advantage of the time. My brother went on vacation in North Carolina with his family, a marriage retreat with his wife in Colorado, and read a ton of ministry books. My senior pastor friend got the opportunity of a lifetime, visiting Greece and Turkey, as well as a week long silent retreat in a monastery. Both have told me how needed their sabbaticals were for renewing the drive they have for transformational ministry.

Yet, as I talked this past weekend with my senior pastor friend, it saddened me to hear that not everyone was supportive of his taking time off. Even though he got a grant from the Lily Endowment, which paid for his trips and paid for an interim pastor to take his preaching duties, many were still against his sabbatical. He told me how one board member had so adamantly opposed his sabbatical that he left the church because of it.

So sad. People don't fully understand the amount of time, energy, sacrifice, and heart pastoral staff put into their ministries and people. They need extended time to unplug from work, silence themselves before God, soaking up his wisdom and grace. And we, as members of the church body need our pastoral staff to have sabbaticals because they come back fully charged and ready to do better ministry than they did before.

If you're looking to go on a sabbatical, next year or five years from now, check out the Lily Endowment. This amazing group gives away about 120 grants every year to pastors going on sabbatical, to the amount of $45,000. You need to write an application, but they walk you through what a good one looks like. It's worth it though.

Thoughts on Youth Worker Training

Over the weekend I had the opportunity of going to a youth worker training at a friend’s church. I like going to other company trainings for two reasons: 1. because I volunteer in a youth group and can never have too much training, and 2. because I like to see how other companies are doing it. The training was supposed to be from 8:30-12:30, but we didn’t really get started until about 9:15 because us youth workers like to show up late. The training focused on three individual topics: small groups, evangelism, and mentoring. All great things to talk about, but it was a lot to fit into three hours (when you added in the breaks, each session was between 45-55 minutes). By the time we finished I was tired and had a lot of material to look over, but it got me thinking about training in general. So here are my few observations for youth worker training, in no specific order:

1. Balance content and experience

Too often we make the mistake of trying to cram a TON of content into our trainings (that’s what happened this past weekend) and we simply overwhelm those we are training. For some reason we think the real value is solely in the content, but that’s just not true. With the variety of learning modes out there, we need to present content in multiple formats (auditory, visual, and experiential) or we will lose many we are trying to train. Plus, just like when planning sermons, people only retain a small amount of the information they hear anyways, so why not get creative and develop new, innovative ways of delivering your content so they internalize it. Less is more my boss always says.

2. Allow time to process and share

Speaking of internalizing, there was almost no time this past weekend for us to think through what we were receiving for training. There was only one pair and share, but only for five minutes (we needed way more for the subject matter). We also needed just time to internalize what we were learning and how to apply it for our own groups, or at least more discussion with others to help us apply the training.

3. Question asking is key

Even though the trainer told us all at the beginning he welcomed questions, not once did he ask us if we had any questions. I had to interrupt him a couple times to ask a question. People need to be invited to ask questions, for they won’t all interrupt to do it. And especially if we are teaching a complex subject. Plus, as trainers, we also have to ask the participants questions. The trainer this weekend didn’t ask us any questions about our own ministries, which could have been so helpful for applying the training.

The Power of Half

Heard about this family on NPR last week. Pretty cool stuff, especially because it was the daughter leading the way.

You can learn more about the family and their story at http://www.thepowerofhalf.com/

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

We Go to KidStuf

Sweet new video from NorthPoint Community Church. Thanks Josh Griffin for making me laugh by posting this!

KidStuf Live Promo - "Be$t Family" Music Video from North Point Media on Vimeo.

Free student leadership e-book!

Doug Franklin, the President of LeaderTreks, has just written a new e-book called Student Leaders are Church Leaders and he's giving it away for free.

Student Leaders are Church Leaders provides a simple way to weave student leadership development into the fabric of your ministry. You don’t have to start over, add another program to your already long list, or scratch your current plan. Youth ministry is still about outreach, evangelism, discipleship, missions, and worship; it’s just better when led by students. This book will help you understand the theory of student leadership while giving you practical steps you can take to give your students ownership of the ministry. Whether you have a student leadership program or you want to start one, this book will help your students lead now.

Download a free copy of Student Leaders are Church Leaders at http://leadertreks.org/studentleaders-churchleaders.html

Sheep and Goats

I spent some time yesterday morning looking at the parable of the sheep and goats in Matthew 25 and then shared it with our small group. Always powerful stuff.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.
"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."


Christ points out six specific people groups in this parable that looks intently at suffering and our response to it. (Hungry, thirsty, strangers, naked, sick, imprisoned)

Which of these commands strike you the most? Which one of these is most difficult for you on a regular basis? How can you take action steps to change that?

Have you ever specifically failed in one of these areas? How has that failure changed your perspective?

One of the most important things for me to remember about these commands that Christ discusses is that none of them are done “in absence,” meaning they are all to be done directly to and with people. Nowhere does it say “When I was hungry you donated food to a food bank,” or “when I was in prison you rallied for prison reform.” Christ is directly challenging us to get out of our comfort zones, leave our secluded lives and love on people who are suffering. A challenge that is hard for me on a regular basis, yet one I am challenged with on a regular basis.

Picture of Love

Question from chapter 2: “Does the picture of love as a way of ‘being with’ fit into what you have experienced in your life?”

Willard uses the picture of a small child who loves doing things with his parents as the basis for his discussion of love as a way of “being with.” The child, maybe even unknowingly, relishes the time he spends with his parents no matter what they do; yet if the child were alone he may not seek to engage in the same activities because without the parent, it’s not the same. Every Christmas I have to make cutout cookies with my mom; it’s just a requirement I have. Now I don’t go and make sugar cookies any other time of the year; in fact, I’ve never made cutouts on my own. I love doing this activity with my mom because we always have and it means a lot.

Willard also uses the analogy of a loving couple, who when in sync with each other, do not need to demand or control the other’s actions; they just do things for each other out of love. Cleaning, dishes, gifts, positive words, etc all naturally happen with Clare and I because we seek to show our love in action. Although, this too can be upset. When an action is taken by one of us that doesn’t get the response we might have thought it would, the “being with” factor is affected.

Many times it can be the same with God. He does not communicate every aspect of His will to us for He longs for us to reach for it on our own sometimes as evidence of our love for Him. Yet often we look for a response from Him after our actions as a way to confirm our movements. When they don’t happen exactly how we expect them, our “being with” feeling of love is often altered. We need to reach past our pre-determined responses and seek to love God in spite of not hearing Him. And then maybe we truly will understand what He is speaking to us.

The Drawbacks of a Conversational Relationship with God

So I started reading chapter 2 and forgot to blog the final question for chapter 1 after getting over bronchitis, so here it is:

"What might be the drawbacks of having a conversational relationship with God?"

So be honest, there are a ton. Mainly though dealing with our access to God himself. In the Old Testament, from a glance it looks like God had a formulaic relationship with his people. It's not true, but it can be easy to deduce that if just looking at the actions of the people. Do something wrong, kill an animal, and then you're all right with God. Sin, sacrifice, forgiveness, good relationship with God. It seems so simple. And so easy to maintain a good relationship with God. If I follow the easy, laid out, time-tested formula, I'll always have access to the Creator and he will always guide me. In so many ways we latch onto the same view now. Do something wrong, ask for forgiveness from Jesus, and then you're all right with God. True grace has taken a back seat to a parlor trick, a small illusion that wipes away our sins and keeps the status quo. This simple formula keeps our faith lives in a perpetual state of staleness.
And even worse than this is the formula we've made for coming to "know" Christ. All men have sinned. All have fallen short of the glory of God. Jesus was God and was perfect and died for your sins so you could get to Heaven. All you have to do is confess you're a sinner, receive forgiveness....and you make into Heaven! We preach it to others in hope that they'll start living in the "joy" we have too. Yet it's a bunch of crap. While we've gotten so many things right with theology, we've missed the point. Our goal, Christ's goal, was not to "get us into Heaven"; rather it was help us into a right relationship with God. We've made a formula to get into Heaven and we follow it so closely. And it makes a relationship worthless because relationships are hard. Formulas are easy.
We've gotten it wrong; I've gotten it wrong. And I know it. I've known it for a long time. Formulas are easy, relationships are hard. And in so many ways I still live out a formula faith daily. If I do enough or if I lead enough, God will speak to me. If I know enough of the Scriptures or if I have the right thinking about God then he will speak to me. Or if I spend at least three days of the week in "quiet times" God will speak to me. I've lived this way for years, approaching God with formulas. Again, it's not to say any of these things are wrong (God knows I need quiet times to silence my own voice), but with everything in our lives the motives behind our movements are what matter. Do I go through these motions to dive deeper into a relationship with Christ because they are actions that flow freely from a heart that desires intimacy; or am I yet again attempting to earn my way into his grace, hoping to hear a word from the almighty that confirms I am righteously living inside his will? I don't know. But I know two things: a true conversational relationship with God is always harder than a formulaic approach to God, but it is always better.

Paradox of Hearing God

So question number 1 from chapter 1 of Hearing God is: What is the paradox about hearing God?

The paradox that Willard discusses concerning hearing from God has so many parts. On one side of the paradox is the belief held by so many Christians that hearing from God is a vital component of any faith-filled life. We, well so many of us, see how common it is throughout scripture and we firmly desire it to be real in our lives How many times I have cried out to God, longing to hear his voice, to have him communicate to me. We long to hear God. We long to have his truth clearly spoken into our hearts and to know beyond a shadow of a doubt how to walk in his will. Yes, we long to hear from God.

On the other side though is the fact that we don't truly understand God's speaking to us. We don't understand fully how he communicates to us. Many of us have become saddened or even depressed when a leader declares from the pulpit he has heard from God, yet our own lives are void of God's voice. Maybe he hasn't spoken because he knew it would screw us up because, while our desire to hear him is sincere, our understanding of his speaking is not clear. Maybe he has spoken and we did not know it was him. Is it God or my own sub-conscience? Like Gideon, many of us question God even while he stand directly in front of us, speaking to us so clearly. On this side of the paradox also lies our distrust of those who have claimed God spoke to them only to be proven wrong. Hearing from God has been so manipulated by leaders that it has messed with our thinking concerning the matter. We turn away when yet another leader proclaims he has been given a revelation from the Lord, for we know he is a phoney.

This paradox-our desire to hear God and yet our misunderstanding of God's voice- keeps God at bay in our lives. The Lord speaks to us in relationship and his voice takes many forms, but it is only heard and understood while in relationship with him. This paradox serves as a chasm separating us from him. We long to know God, to hear from him, but this confusion only grows the distance between us. And so we give up, retiring to our lives of religion and formulas, still hoping God will speak but fully believing he is silent.

"Why is it that when we speak to God we are said to be praying but when God speaks to us we are said to be schizophrenic?"
-Lily Tomlin

'Hearing God' by Dallas Willard

Okay, so I've finally decided to start blogging again. I know. Crazy. It's been a while since I've written anything significant. So I thought I would start back with some thoughts on the most recent book I've been reading. My mentor, Clay Anderson, handed me a book last Thursday night after dinner at his house called 'Hearing God' by Dallas Willard. First, Willard is a fantastic author and an amazing mind. Second, he is way smarter than I am. I am so thankful that at the end of his chapters he has a number of questions that make you reexamine everything you've just read. So over the next few months I'll be diving into this book and answering the questions on this blog. I don't exactly have the smartest views of these things, but he does make me think; and aren't blogs supposed to be filled with personal opinions anyways? I've been reading the book for almost a week and have read the first chapter three times. I know. Wow. So each day I think I'll post my response to a single question posed by Willard, which means if you're tracking this right, it'll only make it about a chapter a week. So nine weeks of blogging about a single book. Now that's a wow statement.

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